Skip to content

Confessions of a Real Housewife

May 24, 2010

Hi, my name is Michelle and I’m addicted to really bad TV.  I’ve tried to stop watching on many occasions, but I just can’t help myself.  And it seems the more outrageous the show is, the harder it is for me to turn the channel.  It’s like rubber necking at a crash scene, and as a matter of fact, I even call it Train Wreck TV.  My friends should probably stage an Intervention.

Not so long ago, I stumbled on a show called High School Reunion.  I watched it because I had some time to kill before Judge Mathis came on.  Little did I know, it was a HS Reunion Marathon, and the next thing I knew, five hours had passed.  I’m pretty sure that’s the equivalent of a black-out, so I’m convinced I have a problem.

I’m not just a one show viewer either.  I view multiple shows, another sign of addiction, which I’ve became familiar with by watching Celebrity Rehab.  That show also convinced me that I may have some personality disorders, but that’s a whole other Steve Wilkos show.  I have learned that I am NOT a Hoarder, which I was kind of worried about with the state of my kitchen counter.  When my husband starts bitching about my lack of housekeeping, I just have to show him a few minutes of Hoarders and it shuts him right up.  While I was watching Hoarders, I saw an ad for Obsessed, a new show about show about Obsessive Compulsive disorder, and now I’m counting the days until that starts.

In the meantime, I have some housewives to keep me company.  There are the original Orange County ones, then the Hotlanta gang, the Big Apple divas, and just down the road from them are the Joisy gals. Everyone seems to like them best, but my fav’s are the ladies in Hotlanta.  Sure Jersey can knock over some tables, and they keep everyone looking over their shoulders watching out for Mob hits, but those Southern Belles will not hesitate to pull on girl’s weave or get Boo and them to whoop up on some asses.  You know a bitch slap is about to commence when Nene asks someone to hold her earrings.

The only complaint I have about the Real Housewives, is they aren’t real at all, and most of them aren’t even housewives.  Most of them have jobs and the ones that don’t have nannies to take care of their kids.  I’m thinking about writing to Bravo and suggesting for their next Real Housewives franchise, they come follow around the REAL Housewives of Ross County.  Because here in my town, housewives raise their own kids and clean their own houses all by themselves.

If you’re not convinced this would make a good reality show, wait until you see the episode of the bitch slapping contest at the Payless.  Our ladies can lunch at Rooster’s and get buckets of beer and wings galore, instead of gourmet meals at upscale restaurants.  In place of flashy galas where the wives show off their designer evening gowns, the Ross County wives would meet up at the Boogie on the Blacktop in cut-offs and tube tops.  And instead of taking our kids to cute little boutiques to shop for clothes they’ll only wear once, you’ll see us shoving kids outside, setting out a pitcher of Kool-Aid on the back porch, and locking the door.

I don’t know about you, but I’d really like to see some less privileged, dysfunctional women on TV because I get tired of having to run out to the Walmarts to get my daily dose of self-esteem.  Especially since Flava of Love and Rock of Love aren’t on anymore.


114 Comments leave one →
  1. May 24, 2010 1:32 pm

    I agree — in it’s own way, bad TV is as good as good TV, if you have the right attitude

    • May 24, 2010 5:20 pm

      Thanks for reading, Davis. You have a good point there!

  2. May 24, 2010 2:15 pm

    I quit watching TV because of all these pointless reality shows. I miss the 90’s and good quality prime time tv. *sigh*

    • May 24, 2010 5:21 pm

      I agree, I do miss good TV, too. Thanks for reading!

  3. wevskysgirl permalink
    May 24, 2010 2:27 pm

    just passing through and spotted your page , you have to love reality tv its so bad , that you have to watch it 🙂

    • May 24, 2010 5:22 pm

      Thanks for reading! Like I said, it’s like coming up on the scene of an accident. You know you shouldn’t look, but you just can’t help yourself! LOL

  4. May 24, 2010 2:30 pm

    Interesting Blog

  5. May 24, 2010 2:40 pm

    I’ve actually seen Obsessed. It’s really good. 🙂 I think your housewives show would be a huge hit! You should totally rally for it.

    • May 24, 2010 5:23 pm

      I will have to schedule that for the DVR. Thanks for reading 🙂

  6. ieatmypigeon permalink
    May 24, 2010 2:45 pm

    It’s all good as long as it makes someone happy… even if it’s horrible. Even the more exploitative shows can be valuable from an anthropological or psychological context. Me? I’m a Bridezilla and American Idol kinda girl. Can’t… look… away.

    P.S. Totally hear you on the “real” housewives thing. Nothing peeves me more than seeing someone basking in the glory of a title they didn’t fully earn.

    • May 24, 2010 5:24 pm

      Good point! I was a psych major in college, so maybe that’s why I’m drawn to them? Thanks for taking the time out to read me 🙂

  7. May 24, 2010 2:51 pm

    I just saw an episode of RH of Atlanta and it seems more fake and staged than the others. I actually found it pretty boring compared to Orange County.

    • May 24, 2010 5:25 pm

      I thought the OC wives were a little dull this time around. NY seems to have the most drama so far. Thanks for checking out my blog!

  8. May 24, 2010 2:59 pm

    Take a photograph and email it as a jpeg. It may work quite well for a thumbnail short of your blog being featured on!!!!

    • May 24, 2010 5:29 pm

      Luckily, I have a techie friend and was able to get the screenshot for my scrapbook. Haha! Thanks for reading.

  9. jill permalink
    May 24, 2010 3:10 pm

    as long as somebody is more dysfunctional than me, all is well. and a night at Boogie on the Blacktop sounds like a good time!

    • May 24, 2010 5:29 pm

      Haha Jill! The boogie can be fun, if the right people are there. Thanks for reading!

  10. May 24, 2010 3:23 pm

    Haha, yes! That is awesome. I especially like the “running to Walmart for you daily dose of self-esteem”

  11. May 24, 2010 3:31 pm

    This is hilarious! Love it!

  12. May 24, 2010 3:39 pm

    “shoving kids outside, setting out a pitcher of Kool-Aid on the back porch, and locking the door” — Wait, that’s not what all moms do? Love this post. Am addicted to reality TV myself. Have to love drinking a beer with your feet up and watching Intervention. RH of NYC is hysterical this season. Kelly is crazy, yo — maybe she should do a crossover to that Steve Wilkos show you’re talking about.

    • May 24, 2010 5:32 pm

      I’m so glad I’m not the only who drinks while watching Intervention. I think Kelly is on the short trip to Crazytown. Thanks for reading!

  13. May 24, 2010 3:42 pm

    This is my favorite part: “Because here in my town, housewives raise their own kids and clean their own houses all by themselves.” In my town, too.

    • May 24, 2010 5:33 pm

      Thanks for reading, Katie. I should probably be cleaning but… 😉

  14. May 24, 2010 3:59 pm

    I’m not much of a TV watcher, but I liked “Roseanne” when it first started because the characters had very down-t0-earth jobs and lived in a house with plastic corn decorating the kitchen.

    I love your idea for a ‘real’ real housewives programme. The English version would have kids with pierced ears who have dummies in their mouths except for when they are eating.

    • May 24, 2010 5:34 pm

      Sometimes I think I channel Roseanne. Sure do miss that show. Thanks for reading 🙂

  15. Matthew Henning permalink
    May 24, 2010 4:29 pm

    If you spent the same time you would spend watching tv, learning to do something in a couple months you’d be really good at what ever you were learning to do.

    • May 24, 2010 5:35 pm

      Good point, Matthew. You may be onto something there. Thanks for reading.

  16. May 24, 2010 4:34 pm

    I feel the same exact way about the Real Housewives Series and I’m not even a wife! Honestly, I think it’s bad TV but I cant help but tune to every season and every episode. I would definitely tune into the REAL Housewives of Ross County!Nothing like a good bitch slap contest at PayLess:)

    • May 24, 2010 5:36 pm

      I’ll definitely let you know if I get that idea sold. Haha! Thanks for reading 🙂

  17. May 24, 2010 4:54 pm

    I’m a man, and I agree 100%. I think about my mother and my friends’ mothers (and fathers, too!) who are REAL PEOPLE, and I wish we could see more of that.

    Actually, I think I just wish we could see more of real people on TV in general.

    • May 24, 2010 5:37 pm

      Right, there is something to be said about normalcy every now and then. Thanks for reading!

  18. May 24, 2010 5:18 pm

    LOL!!! Loved it!!! I actually have a “walmart outfit” that I wear to shop there…I have a question totally off topic…how do you do the copyright symbol?

    • May 24, 2010 5:39 pm

      Thanks so much for reading! I do my writing in Microsoft Word and then paste over here. To make the copyright symbol you just type (c) .

  19. May 24, 2010 5:20 pm

    I love this!! I am also a Train wreck TV junkie! Just add some shows like the Hills and Keeping up with the Kardashians and you will be just as cool as me 😉

    • May 24, 2010 5:40 pm

      Haha! Haven’t watched those, but I have watched the one where the Kardashian girls are in Miami… Thanks for reading!

  20. May 24, 2010 6:52 pm

    My husband complains about my “addiction” to soap operas. I only have a few that I like to keep up with like “Desperate Housewives”, “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and occasionally “Days of Our Lives”. My husband’s critcisms are so bad, that I avoid turning on the TV when he is around. If I am really curious to know what happened on the last episode, I just read up on it online. Sure, it might be considered “bad tv”, but it’s entertainment and I live vicariously through these characters. Because, in real life, I would never sleep with my bff’s husband, assist in a murder, or spend $5000 on a one-time wear dress. Does anyone else have to deal with their husband’s disapproval? His argument is that sports is real life and therefore it’s okay for his spend hours watching it daily. I never have a comeback except that it’s just entertainment. I really would like to know other experience with this issue.

    • May 24, 2010 8:46 pm

      My husband hates the stuff I watch. Naturally, we have more than one TV. Maybe you can set him up a Man Cave (spare room, basement, garage, shed in back yard) with a TV, beer fridge, and recliner. Hopefully, he’ll stay in there and not bug you while you’re watching your shows. Thanks for reading 🙂

      • May 24, 2010 9:15 pm

        yes to the mancave. I set one up for my husband in the backyard shed. Now he can watch NASCAR, smoke cigars and fart, all at the same time. It was worth every penny.

      • May 25, 2010 5:19 am

        We live in an apartment in San Francisco, so no room for a mancave! Though, will consider it when we have a bigger place someday. Thanks!

      • May 25, 2010 12:01 pm

        Do you have a walk-in closet? LOL

  21. Marie permalink
    May 24, 2010 7:28 pm

    I’d be interested in seeing this Obsessed show! Any ideas on how? I’m in the UK.

  22. May 24, 2010 7:38 pm

    Haha does anything beat Teresa flipping a table in Jersey?

    “Pay Attention, Pah-Lease!”

    “I AM Paying Attention!”

    Insert expletive after expletive and TABLE FLIP followed by Teresa and her Dirty Jersey “Ohnkayyyyy!”

    Lol, this show literally is trash…but it’s trash so worth watching!

    • May 24, 2010 8:43 pm

      I’m trying to think — Sheree trying to pull of Kim’s wig was pretty good. I’m thinking there will be a huge Kelly meltdown this week. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

  23. May 24, 2010 7:52 pm

    Drawn to this post!

    Lord knows that being a housewife is quite possibly the most thankless and underappreciated job on earth. If not #1, definitely top 10.

    Funny, witty, and oh so true. Kudos!

    • May 24, 2010 8:40 pm

      Thanks so much! I’m not sure I’d be suited for any other job. Haha!

  24. May 24, 2010 8:12 pm

    I cannot even imagine having a nanny take care of my kids for me although a housekeeper would be nice! If nothing else for grown up converstation lol!

    Speaking of Roseanne I’m watching that right now. 😀 I would like to agree that I want to see more real people on tv.

    Thank you for posting this Helle!

    • May 24, 2010 8:39 pm

      I agree about the housekeeper — it would give me more time to write. Thanks so much for taking the time to read. 🙂

  25. May 24, 2010 9:07 pm

    Even though my tv time is spent watching Discovery or Science Channel (with the Sci-Fi channel making an appearance every time Destination Truth or Ghost Hunters come on), I do agree with you. ‘Reality tv’ isn’t exactly ‘real’ anymore is it? Or perhaps it never was and our need to believe was what made it real. Like books, tv is a means of escape from our daily lives, so maybe the evolution of reality tv is a good thing and we can occasionally unplug from it and start enjoying life more often. Just occasionally, of course. 😉

    • May 25, 2010 12:16 pm

      I think the early incarnations were more real than those today. Someone saw how much money they brought in and of course, the shows became skewed. Thanks for reading!

  26. May 24, 2010 9:31 pm


  27. May 24, 2010 10:04 pm

    Sometimes you just want to “zombie out” in front of the tube. There’s nothing wrong with that.

  28. May 24, 2010 10:40 pm

    I started out watching really bad reality tv with VH1’s Flava o Love and all the incarnations. Does Jerry Springer even count? Then it was Rock of Love. Maybe it’s because I like to watch train wrecks or plane crashes. Mostly I just watch for the cheap laughs.

    • May 25, 2010 12:18 pm

      I hear ya. And of course Jerry counts. You ever notice if someone shows up to Jerry in a spaghetti strap shirt, it’s coming off? Thanks for reading.

  29. May 24, 2010 10:50 pm

    Funny blog and on target!

    I’m mostly a SyFy chick (those made-for-TV movies are a guilty pleasure), or I read to escape, but when I want to mindlessly zone out in front of the tube with a reality show I watch “It’s Me or the Dog.” (Victoria is one tough cookie.) “Hoarding” just reminds me that I need to clean the house.

    • May 25, 2010 12:19 pm

      My daughter loves It’s Me or the Dog, so I watch that one, as well. And then I try out Victoria’s techniques on my dog. Thanks for reading!

  30. Mundo Femenino permalink
    May 24, 2010 11:43 pm

    hahaha OMG this is soo funny Love it!

  31. May 24, 2010 11:53 pm

    Hello from Orange County (yes, THAT OC). While I never got caught up in any of the Housewives shows, I am a total trash TV junkie. My DVR makes it possible since hubby hates most of it. Bring on American Idol, Rock of Love, Biggest Loser, Desparate Housewives, Celbrity Apprentice, Rachel Ray, Jerry, and well, you get the picture. Even if there is a program for my problem, I don’t want it! Thanks for cracking me up. 🙂

    • May 25, 2010 12:20 pm

      So, have you ever run into one of the wives? That would be a hoot. Don’t tell anyone, but I have 2 DVR’s recording all my trash TV. 😉 Thanks for reading.

  32. May 25, 2010 12:15 am

    I have the same addiction. You just put it WAY funnier than I ever could, though. Your blog is great!

    • May 25, 2010 12:13 pm

      Thanks so much for reading! It’s good to hear I’m not alone. 🙂

  33. May 25, 2010 12:30 am

    love your honesty! i feel like i am reading the future me lol!

    • May 25, 2010 12:12 pm

      Thanks so much for reading. Sometimes that honesty crap can come back and bite you in the ass, though. Haha!

  34. May 25, 2010 1:00 am

    I am not even a housewife yet… just a house girlfriend, however I can’t complain. I have put my foot down that even though I claim to be a woman in full, I will not live in submission.

    • May 25, 2010 12:11 pm

      Amen! You can absolutely be a woman and not submissive. Just ask my husband. 😉 Thanks for reading!

  35. May 25, 2010 1:03 am

    First of all, thank you for not talking about Lost.

    Second, you are so right. Tom and Jerry are more realistic than the average people in TV shows. And don’t get me started on movies. No one ever works in a factory or has a mind numbing commute. All the 20 somethings are editors or speechwriters with Manhattan lofts. Who is that supposed to fool? Us, I guess.

    • May 25, 2010 12:10 pm

      Haha, Thomas, I don’t watch Lost, so glad I could provide something different for you to read. I guess those smart TV producers don’t think we’d be entertained by the mundane, but I think they are missing out on some huge opportunities. Normal can be refreshing, if approached the right way. Thanks for reading!

  36. Brian Hatfield permalink
    May 25, 2010 1:15 am

    I like actual reality shows

    dangerous catch, mythbusters, pawn stars, etc…..

    my roomie watches all them “reality” shows, personally i think they are all crap but thats my point of view

    i lovethe blogs Michelle!!!

    • May 25, 2010 12:08 pm

      Thanks so much, Brian. I’ve also been into Billy the Exterminator lately. And that damn Ice Road Truckers gets me everytime.

  37. May 25, 2010 1:30 am

    I stumbled on your blog and I too am a Train Wreck TV addict. My newest favorite is Jerseylicious. I too love watching Intervention having a cocktail.

    Also my name is Michelle and I’ve never thought about the Helle in our names.

    Can’t wait to read more of your blog.

    • May 25, 2010 12:07 pm

      Oh, I like Jerseylicious, too! Thanks for reading 🙂

  38. May 25, 2010 2:40 am

    Interesting Blog

    • May 25, 2010 12:05 pm

      Thanks so much for reading. Your site looks interesting, as well. Too bad I can’t read French!

  39. May 25, 2010 3:04 am

    Hysterical! With everything else going on in the world, why not watch a few Train Wrecks! LOL!

  40. May 25, 2010 4:07 am

    Really funny post! Especially the part about not being a hoarder. Glad I found it via freshly pressed.

    • May 25, 2010 12:03 pm

      Thanks so much Ruth for stopping by. Come back and see me again soon!

  41. May 25, 2010 4:53 am

    Too bad you can’t show the world what your life is about. You’d make a fortune!! Keep writing you’ve got me hooked haha

    • May 25, 2010 12:02 pm

      The TV is my life. No, I kid. Well kinda. 😉 Thanks for reading!

  42. Kris permalink
    May 25, 2010 6:09 am

    High School Reunion…I love that show!…lol…. I know how you feel… I once became obsessed with Running In Heels, the show about the bitchy interns who try to get a job at Marie Claire magazine…. I woke up especially in the morning at an un-godly hour to catch! (it was on re-runs by the time I caught on with it)

    • May 25, 2010 11:59 am

      Oh man, I missed Running in Heels. What channel is that on? Thanks for reading and commenting.

  43. May 25, 2010 6:31 am

    *chuckles* Fair call.

    I think my mother would totally agree with you too.

    Though she’s more of the hippy stereotype than any of the above.

    Great comical post!

    • May 25, 2010 11:58 am

      Thank you, Matt. Say Hi to your Mom for me. 🙂

  44. May 25, 2010 8:19 am

    i think you must continue on disscusing this subject. its gion to be important and i think many other people have the same issue

    • May 25, 2010 11:58 am

      You’re absolutely correct. But, this will require a lot more TV viewing, for research purposes of course. 😉 Thanks for reading.

  45. May 25, 2010 9:05 am

    Hahha its both funny and thought-provoking…

    • May 25, 2010 11:57 am

      Wow, I think that’s the first time someone has told me I’m thought provoking. Thanks for reading (and thinking).

  46. May 25, 2010 10:30 am

    Read a SCI-FI book!

    • May 25, 2010 11:56 am

      I usually read thriller or humor books. Do you have a fav Sci-fi book you’d recommend? Thanks for reading.

  47. May 25, 2010 1:34 pm

    Love, love, love this post. How you feel about hoarders, I feel about Clean House. I want Neicy Nash to be my best friend.

    • May 25, 2010 2:11 pm

      Haha, I’m guilty of watching that too! Thanks for reading and letting me know what you thought of my blog. 🙂

  48. May 25, 2010 2:31 pm

    thank you for being genuine. and for having a great sense of humor to boot. i think stay at home mom’s have the hardest job in the world bc of all the different roles you guys fill along with the emotional load you carry. thank you for being a mom and sharing with us. have a blessed/fun day Helle..

    todd mcc

    • May 25, 2010 2:49 pm

      And thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Hope you have a great day, too!

  49. May 25, 2010 2:37 pm

    its like someone is writing about me 😀 OMG r u my twin!! love it

    • May 25, 2010 2:50 pm

      Haha, glad you could relate! Thanks for stopping by and reading.

  50. May 25, 2010 2:51 pm

    Ohhhhh, what a wonderful read this was! Thank you for making my screwed up WORKING morning, an actual smiling one!!

    Simply wonderful! 🙂

    • May 25, 2010 2:55 pm

      Well thank you, you just made my day pretty smiley, too!

  51. May 25, 2010 2:54 pm

    I’m a news junkie. Only problem is that if you watch too much you go crazy and explode.

    • May 25, 2010 3:06 pm

      So true. My husband is one of those (and a Weather Channel junkie). He drives me nuts. Thanks for reading!

  52. May 25, 2010 3:39 pm

    this is so true. I’m sure if your husband was forced to watch 20 minutes of it, he’d be hooked too.

    • May 25, 2010 6:24 pm

      I think he secretly likes my shows, but he’ll never admit it. Thanks for reading!

  53. May 25, 2010 4:40 pm

    Your blog is really interesting! I can’t wait to read more :).

    • May 25, 2010 6:25 pm

      Thank you so much! I’m working on a new post, but I fear I’m having a bit of performance anxiety. May need to have some cocktails tonight!

  54. May 26, 2010 9:34 pm

    If I were a housewife, I’d definitely pack my days full of Bridezillas, Wife Swap and Sunset Daze! I just started watching Sunset Daze, and there is something endearing about the elderly loving life, dating and all! You should check it out, it comes on at 10 p.m. on WE Tv.

    I also write a blog on here, if you ever have time to check it out, it’s called CommissionBased. Let me know what you think. Happy reading!

    • May 26, 2010 9:49 pm

      Thanks for the show tip, I will check it out. I’ll also take a look at your blog. Thanks for reading!

  55. September 6, 2011 4:55 pm

    Great post, please do post more posts!


  1. Confessions of a Real Housewife |

Leave a Reply to Angelia Sims Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: