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Shooting Blanks

May 25, 2010

For the first time in my life, I think I know what it feels like to be a guy.  Like the proverbial needle in a haystack,  WordPress somehow plucked my blog out of almost 300,000 other blogs to feature on their Freshly Pressed page yesterday.   This, of course, generated many new visitors to my blog and tons of great comments about yesterday’s post.  It also caused me to think twice about what I had planned to write about today, as it was a little more on the “adult” side.  And that just left me with a bad case of performance anxiety.

Normally, when I get really anxious, I’ll have a cocktail.  But that just didn’t seem like a good idea at 8 A.M.  Plus, I have to go to the Twins little league game later, and I’m pretty sure it’s not cool for the coach’s wife to show up all slushy.  It would probably make the evening way more fun for me, but I digress.

So, I’ve sat here all morning looking at my little notebook in which I write down inspirations when they strike me.  Surely something in there will spark my imagination and get the creative juices flowing.  But instead, it just made me realize that I have a very twisted mind and I probably need therapy.

Then I started to panic.  I needed funny!  And as any man can tell you, panicking about the fact that you have performance anxiety never leads to anything good.  OK, I thought, maybe I just need to get up and move around.  So I turned my attention to the pile of dishes in the sink and started to load them in the dishwasher.  That’s when I noticed the bottle of Grey Goose on the counter beckoning me, “Oh, just one won’t hurt you,” it whispered.  I looked at it sternly and replied, “Oh no, Mister, I’ve fallen for that line before! How do you think I ended up with 4 kids?”

Instead of the Grey Goose, I opted for some Honey Bunches of Oats, but there was no inspiration in my bowl of crunchy goodness.  Maybe a change of scenery would help, I thought.  So I hollered for the dog and we went outside.  Sure, this definitely helped me get the blog off my mind for a few minutes, but it didn’t really provide any inspiration.  Matter of fact, it made me realize I truly am suffering from A.D.D. (look a squirrel!).   I’m also convinced this is contagious, as my dog had to work through 15 minutes of distractions before she actually found a place to go potty.

It’s nearing 3 P.M. and here I still sit, feeling like I’m standing naked in front of the class and I’ve forgotten my speech.  The harder I try to come up with something to say, the more naked I feel.  I’m sure Freud would have something to say about all of this. Maybe if I go lay on the couch for a while, I’ll be able to channel him…

*The picture is of a turtle we caught laying eggs in our yard this past weekend.  It doesn’t really relate to the post, other than I imagine she was feeling some anxiety about us staring at her rear end while she was laying eggs.


10 Comments leave one →
  1. May 25, 2010 7:33 pm

    I wanted to let you know that I have subscribed to your blog and enjoy reading it. Don’t be too anxious as long as you bring a smile to those who read, your’re doing well. Congratulations on landing on the wordpress feature page. That’s where I found you.

    • May 25, 2010 8:24 pm

      Thanks! Hopefully, I’ll be able to come up with some good stuff tomorrow. 🙂 I have found that doing things that prohibit writing (being in the shower) seem to bring about ideas. Haha!

  2. May 25, 2010 8:04 pm

    I want to read the post that was on the “adult” side! Remember that song, “Relax, don’t do it…” 🙂 You’ll be fine.

    • May 25, 2010 8:27 pm

      OK, I’ll shoot for that tomorrow. I’ll give you a hint — it involved shrimp, tequila, and dining out. 🙂

  3. May 25, 2010 10:26 pm

    well you should have gone with an old 80’s-90’s standby…wine coolers. I would assume they still sell them…oh and as far as you being naked and in front of the class…well just assume everyone is naked and no one has anything to hide…should make you feel at ease.

    • May 26, 2010 11:20 am

      Oh, good idea. I should probably get some of those to have on hand. School is almost out…and well, I haven’t had a wine cooler since high school. 🙂

  4. May 25, 2010 10:59 pm

    Sorry for helping to cause your anxiety lol, I like this one too though, especially that bit about the vodka leading to four kids. It was funny :).

    • May 26, 2010 11:21 am

      Well glad you at least got a little chuckle. I’m going to try to throw caution to the wind today. And once again, I can’t use booze for my muse…maybe I’ll just get ripped this weekend and write all my posts for next week. LOL!

  5. May 26, 2010 9:11 pm

    I too prefer more adult posts but I tend to be on the naughty side anyway

    • May 27, 2010 10:59 am

      Me too, but every now and then, I can behave. Thanks for reading.

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