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Sparkly Secrets

June 2, 2010

Sunburst Vajazzle*

Friday was just another typical day.  Well, typical in my world, anyway.  I had an appointment to get my gray covered.  While I was sitting around with dye on my hair, I read my latest issue of Cosmo.  About the only time I actually have to read is when I’m sitting in the salon with dye on my head.

As I perused the pages of Cosmo, I ran upon a little tidbit that I just could not resist bringing to the attention of my hair stylist.  It seems that some women, who are bored with the regular old Brazilian, are opting for something called Vajazzling.  Now, if that doesn’t conjure up eleventy different images in your mind, let me help you.  Vajazzling is bedazzle for your hoo-ha.

According to Cosmo, this is all the rage in salons everywhere.  My stylist, Christy, said she does not offer Vajazzling services and even charges a bit extra if she has to see any more than she would like to see during the traditional Brazilian.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to show my nether regions to anyone who doesn’t need to see them.  I mean, I love Christy and all, and she the best hair stylist in the world, but I’m not feeling the need to share every inch of my being with her, especially, if she’s not getting me drunk first.

So, Christy happened to be doing her Grandma’s hair while my dye was setting.  She asked Grandma what her opinion of Vajazzling was, but before we got Grandma’s opinion, Christy first had to describe to Grandma what a Brazilian was.  I have to say I was quite surprised at Grandma’s response; she was all about getting some Vajazzling for the upcoming Easy Rider Biker Rodeo in September.  All I got to say about that is, Go Grandma! I hope when I’m 80+ years old, I care enough to Vajazzle my china for some bikers at a 3-day nekkie fest in Nowhere, Southern Ohio. Hell, I’m only 38 and I can’t come up with an instance where I would even consider any sort of vajewelry.

After talking to a few of my friends, I’m convinced that most women probably are not interested in Vajazzling.  We even came up with a few unintended consequences that could occur due to Vajazzling.  There is the possibility of loosing some of your Vajazzle and it ending up in places that it shouldn’t be in.  And there could quite possibly be some dental damage for your significant other, and you know how I feel about teeth.  Let’s face it, if you have the desire to bling your bajingo, you might have some serious ish, and it probably wouldn’t hurt to consider spending more time with a therapist and less with your wax girl.

Personally, the whole thing creeps me the eff out.  But, I’m almost 40, so maybe the Vajazzling crowd is closer to the, oh I don’t know, 20-ish age where you have to impress the people you sleep with.  In my world, I’m the one that needs to be impressed, and that ain’t happening just by jazzing up your junk.  I’d be way more impressed by a man who cooks, cleans, and buys the occasional bling that can be shown off when I go out.

It’s bad enough that we have to trim the bushes and mow the grass in the yard, let alone on our bodies, and now Cosmo is telling us we need lawn ornaments, too.  So, tell me, would you decorate your lawn?

 

*Sunburt Vajazzle courtesy of CompletelyBare.com

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28 Comments leave one →
  1. June 2, 2010 11:37 am

    I thought about wrapping some ribbon around the male counterpart for Valentine’s Day, but was informed by my wife that candy was a much more appealing option.

    • June 2, 2010 12:52 pm

      See, some things just don’t need embellishment! Thanks for reading and sharing 🙂

  2. June 2, 2010 1:40 pm

    HILARIOUS! Who in the world first attempted to vajazzle? I won’t be joining that fad, that’s for sure!

    • June 3, 2010 8:07 am

      I’m betting the 1st was Britney Spears, but just a guess on my part. Thanks for reading!

  3. June 2, 2010 2:33 pm

    My first thought was, “who would put rhinestones on their cootchie?” and my second was, “who knew there were so many different ways of saying cootchie?” 🙂

    • June 3, 2010 8:08 am

      And I have many more ways to say “cootchie” those were just the nicest ones. LOL Thanks for reading!

  4. Miranda permalink
    June 2, 2010 3:10 pm

    I love “eleventy” . Second time I’ve seen you use it and it cracks me up every time lol. As for bedazzling your hoo ha. Seriously?! Whatever happened to making impressions with a sparkling smile and superior personality?

    • June 3, 2010 8:09 am

      Thanks, Miranda! I agree, I’d rather make impressions on people while I’m fully dressed.

  5. wevskysgirl permalink
    June 2, 2010 4:51 pm

    honestly im laughing so much it hurts to type 🙂 ,that has to be the most fun Ive had reading for a while , all scarily true , but so so funny 🙂

  6. Dionne Baldwin permalink
    June 2, 2010 5:11 pm

    Good heavens NO but that is absolutely hilarious. Vajazzle? Now I’ve heard of it all. I might scare my other half if I do that because it’s just not an area that’s supposed to sparkle but maybe I’m just getting a little too old for things like that! Heck, I don’t want him to get used to it either! Vajazzling is tough to beat. For his birthday or some other special occassion he might expect something even more celebratory like sparklers or roman candles!

    • June 3, 2010 8:11 am

      LMAO, Dionne! My guess is men pretty much like it just the way it is, and you’re right, if you do one thing, then they’ll start to expect more. It’s better that they have no expectations, at all 😉 Thanks for reading.

  7. June 2, 2010 7:06 pm

    I consider myself a modern, trendy, metropolitan woman. Now I feel like I’m living in a box. Vajazzle? Really? Hee hee.

    • June 3, 2010 8:12 am

      So, will you be getting some the next time you’re at the salon? 😉

  8. June 3, 2010 6:15 am

    One question: Why?

    • June 3, 2010 8:13 am

      Good question. I think it’s going to go down as the lastest Mystery of the Modern World… Thanks for reading.

  9. June 3, 2010 11:44 am

    Oh — WOW. I bet this ends up on Regresty.com — seems this wonderful blogger has located the REAL way to get “vajazzled” — Check out this picture (and the posts too while you’re there – he’s pretty funny)

    • Intimidator permalink
      June 3, 2010 2:55 pm

      A sparkling hoo ha is just not my thang. I”d just have to look in the mirror to see my bling anyways at my age ; )

      • June 9, 2010 11:19 am

        LMAOO!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  10. June 6, 2010 11:19 pm

    There are just way too many images that arise in my head after reading this post. I have so many questions yet I dare not ask a single one. I must say, barber shop discussions may include the region you speak of but decorating it with glittering rocks has never been a topic I have ever heard.

    • June 9, 2010 11:18 am

      Haha, Mike…I’m so wanting to know about those questions…

  11. June 7, 2010 9:56 am

    Hey I wonder about the dudes out there that actually “want” to Prince Albert their stuff…I mean…AIN’T NOBODY gonna go down there with a piercing gun. Besides if a gal really wants to jazz it up down there, she better ask herself, is he “really” gonna notice, or care?

    • June 9, 2010 11:16 am

      Haha, good point! I’ve been asking around, and so far, only 1 guy has shown a slight interest, but he wasn’t completely sold on the idea.

  12. June 9, 2010 8:39 am

    Ha Ha Ha. I used to have a friend at university who did cock piercing, but we always called them: “Cock-a-doodle-doozies.” And boy did those guys cock-a-doodle-doo when he stuck those pins in their prized possessions. I have to admit to shyly remaining at his kitchen table with my cinnamon-laced coffee, squeezing my knees together in sympathy. Never once got a close up view. None of my boyfriends were bent that way.

    • June 9, 2010 11:15 am

      Ouch! But you know, I would have to look, too. Hehe 🙂

  13. Denise permalink
    June 13, 2010 8:21 am

    You are too funny! Thanks for the laughs!

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  1. Sparkly Secrets (via Straight From Helle) | fondling the fondant and other tales

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