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September 3, 2010

(It’s Flashback Friday!  This is one of my favs from about 5-ish years ago.)

I like using swear words.  I like to use them a lot.  They are just words after all.

I married a man who shares my affinity for swear words.  We both graduated with honors from the Swearing for Sailors School.  We also have four children, all under the age of nine.  Motherhood has taught me that swear words are necessary evils.  It’s either drop a few four letter words here and there or consume mass quantities of pharmaceuticals.

I would be lying if I told you that our children have never uttered a swear word.  I try not to get too worked up about it, as long as they are used in the proper context and reserved for special occasions.  I like to think of it as teaching my children diversified language skills.   It’s just plain silly to even entertain the thought that your child will never say a swear word.  Even if you don’t use such words yourself, they will learn them at school.

Let’s face it.  There are some instances in life when you need a word that fully embodies your emotional state and “shoot!” and “durn it!” just don’t cut it.  These situations call for swear words.  Why shouldn’t we afford this gift to children, who lack the advanced communication skills that adults possess?  Hell, when you look at it that way, children should be the only human beings even using swear words.

One Sunday afternoon, on the way to Grandma’s house, my oldest son was faced with one of those situations.  He was minding his own business, contently playing with his brand new Game Boy when his younger brother grabbed the contraption out of his hands and flung it across the van.  As plastic and computer chips sailed through the air, my oldest son dropped the dreaded F Bomb.  And that was that.  I was so damned proud that he handled the situation in such an adult manner and used the F Bomb in the proper context.  Most parents would probably have a conniption fit in this situation.  I was actually relieved that I didn’t have to pull over and threaten them both with nine kinds of torture.  Better yet, because my son used his words and not his hands, I didn’t even have to make a trip to the hospital. I did, however, gently reprimand him, “Honey, please don’t say f*ck on the Lord’s Day.”

It doesn’t happen very often, but on occasion my husband and I have been known to utter a previously unheard swear word.  Our family was enjoying a peaceful Saturday afternoon at home.  The children were playing quietly, I was lounging on the couch, and my husband was finishing up some long overdue chores.  All of a sudden my husband let out a stream of obscenities a mile long.  Most of these words our children had heard before.  But there was one new word my oldest son was hearing for the first time ever…c*ck sucker.  He walks over to the bottom of the stairs, and with a very intent look on his face he calls out, “What kind of sucker did you want Dad?”

I’m still trying to come up with a sucker flavor that rhymes with c*ck.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. September 3, 2010 4:14 pm

    F@#%ing hilarious – thanks for being a cool mom and sharing the more colorful language arts with the next generation.

  2. Brian Hatfield permalink
    September 4, 2010 12:09 am

    im glad im not the only one out there that enjoys the use of swear words!

    love your posts!!!!

  3. September 8, 2010 1:16 am

    LM*F*AO! You’re very right, they’ll learn them anyway. The way I feel about it is that they might as well learn to use them correctly so they don’t look like a bunch of dumb *sses. I don’t watch my language much around my own kiddoz and even if I said something like,”Just don’t swear it’s not appropriate…” I can hear their little replies,”Appropriate for what??” Realistically I just ask them to wait until they’re older.

    I was in tears the day my dad called and told me that my daughter, who was two years old at the time, had been walking with him up to my grandmother’s apartment at a nice quiet retirement home. She was holding a wad of legos in one hand and my dad’s hand in the other. She dropped her legos and they spilled all over and immediately she yelled,”S**T!” loud and clear as she bent over to gather her belongings. He tried to tell me I should watch my mouth but I didn’t really catch all that he said I was laughing too hard. As soon as I could breathe I told him,”Hey, at least she used it correctly!” Ironically, my daughter wasn’t much of a talker but when she DID talk she made an effort to use words correctly. That’s my girl! 😀

  4. September 10, 2010 10:28 am

    Haha, thanks for reading. Your comments are $%^&! awesome. 🙂

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