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Concert Buzzkills: Ticketmaster, Stupid People, and Over-priced Beer

June 25, 2012

I love going to concerts. In my book, there is nothing better than hearing live music. But, I do have a few complaints about the concert going experience. Here are a few of mine…and please feel free to share yours.

Probably at the top of the list is the raping TicketBa$tard gives you before you even grace the doors at the venue. The long list of service charges and convenience fees can considerably bump up your ticket price. For example, the Red Hot Chili Peppers are coming to town in a couple of weeks. The base ticket price is $55.50. Then add on a $3.50 facility charge. I have no idea what the facility charge is or why anyone would think it would be cool to charge an additional amount of money on top of the ticket for the facility. I mean if you are having a concert it HAS to be at a fucking facility. Shouldn’t that just be a part of the ticket price?

But it really isn’t the facility charge that gets my panties in a bunch. No, that is reserved for the convenience charge. For the Peppers, that’s another $9.55, which now makes my total ticket price $68.55. I don’t know who TicketBa$tard is trying to fool, but charging me another $10 for my ticket isn’t very convenient for me – especially when I have to print out the ticket with my own printer on my own paper. So I want to know WHO IN THE FUCK is getting my $10 and why is their convenience so important? I’m the one going to the god damned show, where undoubtedly some other shyster is going to charge me another $20 to park. Also NOT convenient.  And fuck you TicketBa$tard — all of your fees increase the concert ticket price by 19%. Really?! NINETEEN percent? That is the most UNCONVENIENT thing ever. I’d rather deal with the Mafia than the TicketBa$tard asshats.

And am I really supposed to believe TicketBa$tard when they tell me the front row seats are sold out within the first 10 seconds of the sale beginning when I can go on any number of the ticket broker sites and find the same tickets for triple the face value? Gotta throw the bullshit flag on that one. If these sites aren’t working together to gouge fans then I’m the Queen of England. Oh and the Queen of England can’t read your god damned fake ass captcha words that must be typed in to prove I’m not a zombie-bot buying up all the tickets that are showing up on the broker sites. Apparently those geniuses have found a way around that little loophole while I’m trying to figure out if that distorted thing I’m supposed to type is a letter or a number.

Then once you actually get to the show, considering you haven’t committed suicide at the thought of your dumb-assery for paying the equivalent of a full tank of gas for a couple of hours of musical enjoyment, they have the gall to charge you $10 for a beer or even worse $20 for a mixed drink. What the fuck? I can buy a whole fifth of vodka for that much and if they didn’t have the douche wads searching my purse at the door, I’d have that fifth next to my tampons and lip gloss. Maybe next time I’ll just dump the Tampax box on the bathroom floor, stuff it in my purse with the flask inside and roll the dice that it’s a dude checking my purse at the door. I’ll just shrug my shoulders and say, “Heavy flow day!” I’m fairly certain there’s not a man on this planet who is willing to stick his big ol’ paw in a box of super duper Tampax to make sure I don’t have contraband stuck up all in there – I mean we aren’t going to the airport.

After you pass the security check, then you have to deal with all the asshats that actually paid $100 for the eleventy beers they drank and have decided they must push their way in front of you so you can’t see shit. In my book, there is nothing worse than some 6 foot plus guy pushing a 5 foot 6 inch me out of the way. Really dude? You can see way over my head and I didn’t pay $70 to look at your saggy assed jeans, Affliction t-shirt, and all those tribal tattoos that you think make you look like a bad ass but really just make you look like a huge douche. And no doubt you will be the same dude trying to capture the whole show on your cell phone so you can post it to your Facebook page while you are STILL AT THE FUCKING THE SHOW. Do us all a favor and stay at home and YouTube that shit. And for the love of God and all that is good, don’t consider crowd surfing if you weigh over 100 pounds. Nothing ruins the concert experience more than a kick to the head from some fat ass people couldn’t hold up.

I have many other concert complaints but I don’t think I can quickly remedy sweaty people who aren’t aware they make personal hygiene products to combat B.O. so I guess I’ll stop at that. If you recognize yourself as being an offender of any of the above, then fucking stop it. If you are a normal, sane person like myself (stop laughing) then write your Congressman about the raping you’re getting from TicketBa$tard.  I mean we ARE PAYING them to work for us. They might as well being doing something productive. They sure as hell aren’t doing anything about the price of gas or letting gay people experience the hell of marriage like all the rest of us straight people.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 25, 2012 2:38 pm

    Good stuff, and I agree with your points. Along those same lines . . .

    http://shoeuntied.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/9-things-i-hate-at-rock-concerts-3/

  2. June 25, 2012 2:43 pm

    Thank ya! And I totally agree with yours as well. Man, I really need to get out to a show…

  3. emmageraln permalink
    June 26, 2012 6:53 pm

    Completly agree, ticket master are a bunch of crooks.

  4. emmageraln permalink
    June 26, 2012 6:54 pm

    Reblogged this on emmageraln.

  5. June 26, 2012 10:05 pm

    Totally agree with all of the above. I am 5’2″ in my shoes. When all the big, sweaty drunk asses crowd me they suck up all the available oxygen, leaving me nothing but the beer-weed-vurp scented CO2 they exhale.

    • July 2, 2012 6:13 pm

      Ohhh that’s a lovely visual. LOL! Thanks for reading. 🙂

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