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Call Me…And Tell Me About My Driving

March 15, 2013

1524-1-hows-my-drivingSo the other day I was getting ready for work, jamming to some tunes, drinking my coffee, applying my makeup and such, and I heard the back door open again after the kids had left for school. My first reaction was “Oh shit!” I started thinking about how I was going to be robbed and/or murdered without mascara, soaking wet hair, and half nekkid.

Then my kids walked into my room and were all shouting about how the bus missed them. Literally. They were in the driveway waiting for the bus and the bus just flew by without even stopping. My second reaction was “Oh shit!” Then I started thinking about how I was going to have to jump through hoops to finish getting myself ready and get them to school, which is 15 miles in the opposite direction of my work, while minimizing the amount of time I was going to be late for work.

Miraculously I finished getting myself presentable in enough time to get out the door to get the kids to school on time. But then we got behind this Snap On Tools truck going 50 MPH on a stretch of road with no opportunity for passing. As I felt a case of road rage surging, I noticed Mr. Tools had his full name and phone number on the back of his truck. I look over at my oldest son, and said, “Hey, call that guy and tell him to pick it up a bit, we’re going to be late!”

My oldest looked at me incredulously and giggled, thinking I was joking. I then told him I was dead serious and to start dialing. He refused and luckily I composed myself enough to realize that doing such a thing might just get me arrested and by the grace of the road gods, the opportunity to pass the pokey driver arose and I took it.

I had kind of forgotten all about the whole ordeal until today when I got behind another pokey driver and couldn’t get around her. Now I’m all about some safe driving but Jeebus, if you can’t go the fucking speed limit, then get off the damn road! If driving below the speed limit isn’t against the law it should be. I mean in my book that’s hindering the progression of traffic and makes the roadways very unsafe. Mostly because it makes me want to knock the shit out of people, but I digress.

But then I had a brilliant idea! If everyone put their name and phone number on the back of their vehicle like Mr. Snap On Tools did, then when you encounter a fellow driver being an asshole, you could simply call them up and politely request that they quit it. And inversely, you could also use it in place of the thank you wave, or more likely in my case to say, “So sorry! I totally did not mean to just cut you off and almost cause you to wreck. Totally my bad! Let me buy you a Happy Meal or something.” Oh and for the under 18 drivers, the parent’s name would go on the car, so that fellow drivers can tattle on kids being jack wagons behind the wheel.

Pure fucking genius, if you ask me.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 15, 2013 10:45 pm

    Brilliant idea. I’m fully with you on that 🙂

  2. March 15, 2013 11:33 pm

    Since we can’t have ray guns on the front of our cars to zap the idiots into oblivion, I guess that is the next best thing!

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