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Mad Men and Madder Women: My Take on Vintage Ads

November 15, 2013

So I was perusing the Internets the other day and happened across some vintage ads, that shall we say, were quite inappropriate by today’s standards.  It made me long for the days when you could just say whatever the hell was on your mind and if people didn’t like it, they just ignored you or talked about you behind your back.  One of my most favorite shows from my childhood was the Archie Bunker Show.  Highly inappropriate for a child, but I loved it.  I guess I didn’t have much parental supervision. Can you imagine being able to say the shit Archie said back then today? You’d be strung up by the ACLU and whipped within an inch of your life.  Or you’d be on Fox News as the latest Anti-Christ.  I was totally born in the wrong era.

Let’s take a look at the inappropriateness and wistfully remember those times of old when political correctness was unheard of…

Blatz Beer for mother and baby adI’m not sure what year this ad is from, but I sure as hell wish it was when my children were babies. Because I needed alcohol.  And I sure would have appreciated someone telling me it was beneficial for us all. It’s a beneficial and stimulating tonic for God’s sake! Maybe if I had drank more Blatz as a young mother, my oldest would be driving now and doing my beer runs.  Or being my designated driver.

dupont-cellophane-babies-advertAww. Look at those cute babies. And when babies get messy, as any mother knows they will, you can just cover them in Dupont cellophane to keep them extra clean and sanitary.  And probably dead.

midol1974

Oh Midol, you were correct.  Guys are the Number One reason we need medication.  However, it’s gonna take more than some acetaminophen and a diuretic to make us be the gal he likes every day.  We’re gonna need some narcotics to deal with his stupid ass. And a Blatz beer chaser.

vintage-lucky-strikes-santa

Who better than Santa to endorse your product as a Christmas gift!  Oh how I wish I’d lived in the day when all you had to do was buy a carton of Lucky Strikes for all the people on your Christmas gift list.  That would have made my Christmas shopping much more enjoyable.  Add in some Blatz and Midol and we got a party up in here.

cocaine-tooth-drop_2328302k

I imagine if I lived in 1885, I’d have a toothache every day.  And my house would be spotless.  And I’d be skinny as hell. Now I’m all preoccupied with 1885.

Hoover

This gift sucks (pun intended) today as much as it did back in 50’s.  The only difference between 1950 and the present day is that today your wife is going to be hit with a Class 1 Misdemeanor and probably have to undergo anger management classes.  In which case, she’ll need some Blatz, Midol, and Lucky Strikes.  And probably some Dupont cellophane to smother you with.

girls are useful

Well lookee there.  Until World War II, us gals weren’t useful for anything! We didn’t cook, take care of kids, or use our shiny new Hoovers to clean your fucking house.  Thank God we were able to finally be useful and help the soldiers, who, some of us undoubtedly, gave birth to. That’s right, if we weren’t useful, you’d have no fucking soldiers.  Duh.

Yeah, I probably better end it there.  I’m nearing the time when I might need some Midol to be the very best me and as far as I know, they still don’t add narcotics to that shit.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Jen Harwig permalink
    November 15, 2013 9:17 am

    love Archie Bunker❤😂

  2. November 15, 2013 3:11 pm

    Scary to think 50 years in the future at how today’s ad will be viewed!

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