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DIEt Another Day

January 25, 2014

dietSo the gals in the office decided we were going to try this new diet.  Well really, one gal decided to try this new diet and talked to the rest of the gals into doing it, with me being the lone dissenter.  Then I stepped on the scale this morning and decided, yes I want to be a skinny bitch too! In other words, I caved to the peer pressure.  What can I say…we didn’t have the D.A.R.E. program in school when I was a kid.

Anyhoo, after stepping on the scale I decided yes, I was in fact going to try the Intermittent Fasting Diet.  Basically, you “fast” two days during the week but you are allowed to have 500 calories.  The rest of the days of the week, you can eat whatever the hell you want.  Forgetting about what happened the last time I tried to diet, I figured I could forgo eating for two measly days a week and in return be able to eat whatever I want the rest of the week.  Who needs food?!

I pretty much had figured I was in for one helluva day when I discovered I had consumed 100 calories before 9:00 a.m. just in coffee creamer, since my breakfast is basically a little bit of coffee with a bunch of creamer and my breakfast lasts from the time I get up until about noon.  That last cup of coffee with a tablespoon of creamer at 25 calories a pop made me realize that I don’t even like coffee.  I like creamer and I just might as well give the bottle of creamer a good shake, pop a straw in it, and call it my breakfast smoothie.

Lunch rolled around and I thought, no problem! I’ll have some of my favorite sweet chili flavored mini rice cakes.  They are only 100 calories! Matter of fact, my whole diet plan revolved around this delicious bag of flavored rice cakes, since they were only 100 calories they were to become my lunch and dinner two days a week.  Then I read the label a little closer and realized there are THREE servings per bag.  I could only have 18 teeny tiny rice cakes for 100 calories.  I quickly decided there was no point in even wasting the energy it takes to eat 18 measly mini rice cakes and decided to forgo lunch completely.

By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, I was somewhat grouchy.  I snapped at D because there was a crinkly sound of food being unwrapped at her desk.  Turns out it was an envelope she was opening. Another co-worker almost lost an eye for eating a Reese’s cup in front of me.  And well T is just dead to me for eating a Casa del Taco Mexican Chef Salad and throwing away the shell.  Does she NOT know that’s the BEST part of the Casa del Taco Mexican Chef Salad?! That tasty fried shell is the ONLY reason I even get the Casa del Taco Mexican Chef Salad. Well that and the extremely delicious avocado ranch salad dressing (extra on the side to slather on the shell).

I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I broke.  I loudly exclaimed, “Y’all can just kiss my ass!” just as the Big Boss was walking past my office to leave for the day.  And then in order to cover my ass for yelling profanities in the office, I told him it was all his wife’s fault for telling me about this diet that made me a stark raving mad lunatic.  Things may become a little uncomfortable at work…

Who needs food? I’ll tell you who.  Me!!!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. January 28, 2014 8:24 am

    Wait you can’t just survive on salted air and demure sips of water? Who knew?!

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