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Be My Valentine…or Die!

February 3, 2014

It’s February and everyone knows what that means! It’s the month of love, time to declare to your sweetheart how much you love them. And what better way to say I love you than with a card.  Let’s take a look at some creepy Valentine’s Day cards.  I suggest you NOT give your beloved one of these, unless you want to end up with a restraining order and a vacay in the clink.

hannibal valentine

Now there’s a card that says I love you. I love you so much, I want to eat you. If your lover gives you this card over a lovely dinner of fava beans and Chianti, RUN!

cannibalism valentine

OK, am I missing something here? When did cannibalism become synonymous with love?

S&M Valentine

Sometimes you just want to tie up your loved one to show them how much you care.

Gun Valentine

Be my Valentine or I will shoot you! With love!

Worm Valentine

Now here’s a lovely sentiment which basically says Be Mine. Or don’t. Because I’ve got a side bitch and I ain’t putting up with yo shit.

Feel Up

What does she need? I can’t decide if it’s the Heimlich Maneuver or a trip to 3rd base.

Stalker

Clearly he is aware that she has built a wall to keep him out.  But never the less, he’s got a special gun to burn a hole right through it. No means no, buddy!

Loaded Valentine

Um yeah… I’ll just let you use your imagination on that one…

I don’t know about you, but I think I’d rather just have a box of chocolate truffles and some champagne to wash them down.  Especially if you’re going to shoot me or have me for dinner later…

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