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The McFuneral: Coming Soon to a City Near You!

September 17, 2014

Do you want to be that guy?

Do you want to be that guy?

As I was perusing the Interwebs today, I ran across this little gem of a news story. I’m thinking I’ll now have to go back and revise my funeral blog to include that I do NOT want this occurring after my untimely demise.

Get this folks, there is now a funeral home with a drive-thru window. So in those times when you’re in a hurry and you have a pesky funeral to attend, you can simply pull up, a la McDonald’s style, and pay your last respects without ever leaving the comfort of your own car! You may want to hit the Mickey D’s drive-thru first and grab a McLatté, just in case there’s a line. Drive-thru funeral attendees get THREE whole minutes to stare at the dead corpse and pay their last respects. I’m not clear on if a family member has to stand by the casket in the drive-thru window or not, but you’d think that would only be appropriate. And apparently there has to be someone standing there letting you know it’s time to drive away. WTF?!

Now of course, the asshole genius who invented the drive-thru funeral window is defending his practice by saying it’s mainly for people in wheelchairs who can’t get out of a car to attend a funeral. Apparently, he’s not aware that we have all kinds of neat inventions that allow wheelchair-bound people, or the otherwise physically impaired, to get around and such. He also wants us to know that the viewing window is bulletproof. You know, just in case some wayward soul, such as a bitter ex-wife, should try to shoot the dead body. Just to make sure that son-of-a-bitch is dead and whatnot. There’s also a guest book you can sign and a little drop box for sympathy cards. How sweet.

What in the frick is this world coming to? Is nothing sacred anymore? Listen, if you can’t get out of your fucking car to come to my funeral, then please, by all means, stay at home.   My feelings won’t be hurt, mostly because I’ll be dead. And I’m not having an open casket, so there won’t be much to gawk at. Save yourself all the trouble and just spend the 49 cents to send a sympathy card. I mean the whole point of the matter of attending a funeral is to let the family members know you care and you’re sorry for their loss. Pulling up in a drive-thru window to look at a dead body when none of the family members are around is just the epitome of laziness, selfishness, and disrespect. And if you are truly unable to attend because of disability or sickness, I don’t think anyone is going to fault you for not being able to attend.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not sure I want to be a part of a society that devalues someone’s life to the point that when they’re gone, it’s acceptable to pull into a drive-thru to say good-bye. Call me old-fashioned, but it just seems so callous and cold.

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