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Warning! If you do this stuff you may DIE!

January 15, 2015

dumbYesterday, I received an alert from the Weather Channel telling me there was a special weather alert for my area. There were some flurries in the area and with the super cold air, things might get slippery. Hey Weather Channel, you don’t say! It’s fucking January in Ohio following a considerable snowfall and more frigid than a nun at Sunday Mass. Things have been slippery for the last week because nobody around here knows how to operate a snowplow or the magic of sprinkling salt on shit. Thanks for the info. Here’s your sign…

This got me to thinking about stupid warnings. Have we really dumbed ourselves down so much that we need a warning that precipitation in January may lead to slippery conditions? The answer is yes, because you know this warning wouldn’t be in existence if not for some fucktard who sustained an injury doing some normal everyday thing and then sued the ass off of the entity they felt should take responsibility for their own personal failure as a human being.

Remember the McDonald’s hot coffee lawsuit? Lady orders hot coffee from McDonald’s. Spills it in her lap. Suffers burns. Result? She wins $2.86 million in her lawsuit and I haven’t had a hot cup of coffee from McDonald’s since 1994. Seriously, my last McLatté was lukewarm at best. I wouldn’t even take a bath in that shit. That my friends, was the beginning of the end times…

Let’s examine some of the best nominees of who should have won the Darwin Awards. Here we go!

The only reason for this warning was that someone put an actual human being in the washing machine and hit start.  I’m just wondering what cycle they chose.  Was it Bulky Items, Whitest Whites, Normal, Casual, Delicate, or Colors? Yeah, I already know I’m going to Hell, so bite me.









I had to include this one, because I’m a self proclaimed Grammar Nazi.  If you get a parking ticket, and this sign is in effect, I suggest you take a picture of it and bring it with you to court.  This is NOT legal advice.  Purely grammatical advice.  Wink wink.









Well, here’s one that doesn’t’ really require an explanation, right?









Never once while I was cleaning the bathroom, did I feel like I should take a moment to freshen myself up.  But someone did…









Microwaves are in every household.  They are great for so many things!  Except for drying Fido.








Because you know some asshole tried drying their hair while asleep.  I often do this in the mornings while I”m getting ready for work.  However, I’m only half asleep due to insomnia or too much wine…

hair dryer








So, I’m sure you’ve run into more stupid warnings than I have.  Share them here.  We can either prevent people  from doing stupid shit or we can make fun of people for doing stupid shit.  In other words, we can be Saints or Sinners.  I know which camp I fall in.  Which one do you fall in?

Let me know… Love, Helle xoxo








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