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There’s a Right (and a Left) Way to Use Turn Signals

February 9, 2015

This is a picture I took of a driver being a dick by not using his turn signal, when he's clearly turning.  He hasn't mastered the act of not being a dick, regardless of what his back window says.

This is a picture I took of a driver being a dick by not using his turn signal, when he’s clearly turning. He hasn’t mastered the act of not being a dick, regardless of what his back window says.

Nowadays, all motor vehicles come equipped with these neat little devices that let drivers around you know if you plan to change your direction of travel. They are called turn signals, and this device is usually some sort of stick to the left of your steering wheel that can be moved up or down. I’ve made some observations lately in my town regarding drivers and the use (or more accurately, misuse) of this little device. Because I had some time to kill have a lunch hour and I’m not actually eating right now, I’ve broken down these drivers into three different types. What can I say; it made me forget how hungry I was.

First, we have the non-users. Obviously, these people need shot. (I may be hangry). They willy-nilly maneuver in and out of traffic, doing whatever the hell they please, whenever they please, without any sort regard for the unsuspecting, law-abiding drivers with whom they share the roadways. I would suggest we take away the drivers’ licenses of these people; however, at least in my town, my experience is that these people don’t actually have valid licenses. And if they can’t be bothered with actually obtaining a valid license, should we really expect them to use a fucking turn signal? Let’s face it, most people can’t even put on pants to go to the Walmarts nowadays, and in my opinion, that is the epitome of giving up on life. Once you’ve done that, well I guess using a turn signal might be fairly low on your list of things to do.

Next, we have the guy who actually uses his turn signal. All. The. Time. He turns it on and never turns it off. Drives for miles while listening to that click, click, click. Maybe he’s blaring Pantera and can’t hear that little click. Or maybe he’s 80 and deaf, in which case he probably shouldn’t be driving. I was following this guy the other day for 2 miles. Blink…blink…blink… Finally, I decided the dude was not turning. I look over and see my boss and do my friendly “Hey, I know you honk and wave” when all of a sudden never-ending blinker dude decided to actually make a turn. Needless to say, I almost rear-ended him. Lucky for him, I have cat like reflexes. Because I’m young. And skinny. And Jesus loves me. Or his ’98 Buick LeSabre bumper would have been wrapped around his little neck like a silver bow tie. Should we shoot this guy? No, but maybe a mild, public flogging would be appropriate.

Finally, we have the last minute user. These people have a problem with commitment. They don’t know if they want to turn or not and they certainly don’t want you to know if they want to turn or not. They are probably the same people that can’t commit to a long-term relationship. They need to keep their options open in order to function in this crazy thing we call life. They also have trouble deciding what to order in a restaurant, probably because there are just too many choices. What if they make the wrong choice?! What if they get stuck on High Street when they really wanted to be on Western Avenue?! Should these people be shot? No. We should give them a hug and give them affirmation that it’s OK to turn. And if you end up in the wrong hood, you can always make another turn. You can turn until your little heart’s content. Matter of fact, you can drive around in circles for hours, as long as you use your damn turn signal and give us a little heads up about it.

Do you recognize yourself making any of these turn signal faux pas?  If so, there’s a simple remedy! Use your turn signal when you plan to make a turn. Give the driver behind you a little head’s up of your intentions. If you aren’t turning, don’t use your turn signal. And if you don’t actually have a driver’s license, get the hell out of the driver’s seat.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. You're so angry! permalink
    February 9, 2015 8:19 pm

    I have a problem. When I step on my brake pedal, the left turn signal comes. When I flip the left turn signal on, nothing happens. I find myself having to make three left turns if I want to signal a right turn. Any advice?

    • February 9, 2015 8:25 pm

      Buy a new car. 🙂

      • You're so angry! permalink
        February 9, 2015 10:23 pm

        I think it just needs a new tire

      • February 9, 2015 10:30 pm

        Yeah, that’s probably it.

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