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Hello Kitty is Bad-Ass

March 24, 2015

hello kittyBefore I started working in the legal field, I thought I was crazy.  It didn’t take me long to figure out that I’m quite normal.  Matter of fact, I might be so normal that I make vanilla look exotic.  You truly would not believe some of the stuff that happens in court.  I highly recommend that at least one time in your life that you visit your local courthouse and sit in on a day’s worth of hearings.  Make it a day near the full moon and/or when your self-esteem is in need of a boost.

Now this little tidbit I picked up from my local news.  It didn’t happen where I live, but I sure wish it did.  This lovely young gentleman decided to rob a sub shop last Saturday eve.  He made away with a whopping $105.00 for his efforts too!  Now, I’m not an expert criminal by any means, but I would think if one were deciding to participate in robbery, perhaps one would want to cover up any distinctive characteristics.  Such as facial tattoos or what-not.

And this young man has not only one, not two, but THREE distinctive facial tattoos (he actually has five, but I don’t know what the hell the other two are).  Let’s discuss.  Of course, the most recognizable is the Hello Kitty tatt.  But let’s save the best for last.

First, in the middle of the forehead we have the little ax-wielding figure symbolizing one’s love of the Insane Clown Posse.  From this piece of art, we can deduce that this fellow is a Juggalo.  Juggalos (and Juggalettes) love to attend ICP concerts and throw Faygo pop at one another.  Some also choose to wear clown masks to said festivities.  Perhaps this is to cover up bad facial prison tatts.

Next we have the star.  This could symbolize a multitude of things.  Maybe our perpetrator has a love of astronomy.  Maybe his girlfriend is named Star and it’s an ode to his love.  Or maybe his prison tattooist hadn’t yet mastered more complex designs.  We may never know.

And lastly, the pièce de résistance – Hello Kitty.  Nothing says bad-ass more than a Hello Kitty face tatt.  Seriously, I’m not even being sarcastic here (which I know is hard to believe).  But think about it.  You have to have a major fuck it attitude to be a grown ass adult man and permanently mark your face with a symbol widely marketed towards 9-year-old girls.  It is quite apparent that this guy has nothing to lose.  Tease him about that girly face tatt and you’ll likely end up being fish food at the bottom of some backwoods pond.

I kind of feel sad for him, while at the same time, I want to glue a little pink crystal on Hello Kitty’s bow.  I think it would really bring a touch of class to such a piece of art.  Not to mention, it would definitely accentuate his cheekbone.

(Should you not see me for a few days, check the backwoods pond).

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