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Freedom: It’s the Icing on the Cake

April 1, 2015

gay cake So I’m sure you’ve heard all the hoopla over Indiana passing their so-called Religious Freedom Act, which critics have been blasting because they claim it opens the door to allow businesses to freely discriminate against certain groups of people without any sort of legal repercussions. Does it indeed do that? Hell, I don’t know. I only listen to about half of what comes out of politician mouths, because it seems to me they just tell you what you want to hear and whether or not what they say is put into action is an entirely different story.

Now, do I think discrimination is bad? Sure. There was a time when our country thought that women shouldn’t be able to own property or vote and black people shouldn’t drink out of the same water fountains or attend the same schools as white children. Absolutely ludicrous, in my opinion. I am by no means a religious scholar, but I WAS raised Catholic and DID attend one year of parochial school in the 4th grade. I don’t remember reading the Bible on a regular basis (do Catholics do that?); however, I distinctly remember some talk about Jesus hanging out with lepers and hookers. And there was this one time he made wine out of water. That Jesus seems like a cool cat to me. His followers, however, are a whole different story, sadly.

It seems many of us think that gay people shouldn’t be able to get married. Personally, I think everyone should be able to experience the hell that is marriage. Why should that special right only be reserved for straight people? Last time I checked, suffering was super popular with the religious folk. After all, Jesus loved all the miscreants and ne’er–do–wells, so why shouldn’t we? Aren’t Christians supposed to be following that cool cat’s lead? Someone fill me in on what I’m missing…

My only problem with someone using these so-called religious freedom laws to refuse to, let’s say, bake a cake for a gay wedding or what-not, is that these same people who claim they are just abiding the laws of their religion seem to have an à la carte philosophy when it comes to these matters. They don’t want to bake a cake for two men in a loving, monogamous relationship who want to proclaim their love for each other in a joyous celebration, but they probably wouldn’t have any problem making a cake for the retirement party of a priest who’s molested countless children. They probably wouldn’t bat an eye at making a cake for the anniversary celebration of an adulterer. Or even the greedy little businessman needing a cake for another grand opening. Nope. All those people would probably get cakes. Nice grandiose and overly extravagant cakes. Fornicators, greed mongers, and lustful gluttonous sloths may all have cake! Hallelujah!

After a quick search on the Goggle, I noticed there are many states with such laws, and Florida happens to be one of those states having such a law.  I think, perhaps, I will move to Florida and open a bakery catering to all the sinners who need cakes for their special occasions. After all, sinners need cake too, and quite frankly I’m tired of the bi-polar Ohio weather. I don’t know about you, but I think sugar (and booze) takes the sting out of being a sinner. I can’t be perfect like Christ, and a delicious buttercream frosting is probably the next best thing, so…

Be on the lookout for my new bakery opening soon in Key West. It’ll be called Helle’s Sinful Creations. We won’t deny delicious cake to any patron. We don’t care what kind of sin you are committing as long as you pay with cash or credit. Obviously, we can’t risk taking your personal check, but a cashier’s check will be just fine. Make sure you try our pièce de résistance: a decadent and luscious devil’s food cake covered with a rich bourbon-flavored cream cheese frosting. It’s so delicious, you’ll think you’ve died and went to heaven.

And let’s face it, that’s the closest you’ll be getting to heaven, you sinner.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 1, 2015 10:56 pm

    Looks good

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