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Where’s the Nuts?

March 23, 2016

pecansSo, I visited a certain popular fast food establishment for lunch today. As I usually do when visiting said establishment, I ordered an apple pecan chicken salad. The perky order taker asked me if I wanted the bleu cheese on that, to which I responded, “Of course, I love bleu cheese.” I guess nobody in my town likes bleu cheese as much as I do, because they ask me that every time I order this particular salad. Matter of fact, I want the damn salad just as it is portrayed. If I didn’t want the bleu cheese, I would have said hold the bleu cheese. Apparently nobody in Chillicothe likes bleu cheese, so theoretically, I should get more bleu cheese, but I digress.

If you’re like me and have a brief lunch period, purchasing lunch usually takes up ¼ of the lunch period. While I inherently know that ordering from a fast food place is a gamble in and of itself, I know there are certain things I should check for before I leave the drive thru lane. Yet, it never really occurred to me, until today, that I should check to make sure the key ingredients of my meal are included.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ordered a salad and driven to my chosen location of the city park, eager to enjoy my lunch, only to discover I don’t have a fork. That will definitely put a damper on your lunch. Since I’m a smart girl, I now keep a plastic fork in my car for such occasions. I also have a stash of salt, napkins, and other lunch necessities.

However, I do not keep salad dressings, bacon, or sugar-coated pecans in the backseat of my Mustang. When I order an apple PECAN chicken salad, at the very least, I expect it to have apples, chicken, and PECANS. I mean if your apple chicken pecan salad doesn’t have pecans, that’s like serving a bacon cheeseburger without the bacon. Amirite?

Since sharing my disdain on social media, I have learned that I’m not alone. Friends have reported that they have been shorted bacon on bacon cheeseburgers, BEEF on hamburgers (WTF?!), and fries from Happy Meals (which in my book makes them SAD meals). If these fast food workers want to convince me that they should make $15 per hour, then they are going to have to show me they’re worth it. If I order a double quarter pounder with no cheese (and I do because I have a kid who I think was switched at birth) and it has that little tag that says “made with NO CHEESE” stuck on the outside of the box, then goddamnit, there shouldn’t be any cheese on that mother fucker. But guess what? There’s always cheese.

YOU HAVE ONE JOB TO DO. Do it. And DO IT WELL. I don’t make much more than that and I spent thousands of dollars paying for a college education so I could get my job. If I walked into work one day and only did half my job, I would be fired.

So how about this. If you are a little fuck who thinks you’re entitled to make $30,000 a year to put pecans on a salad, then don’t forget the fucking pecans.

Who knew a few missing nuts could enrage a woman so much? I’m on a diet; those sugary pecans were my one cheat for the day and you cheated me. Bastards.

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