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Grab ‘Em by the Pussy!

January 30, 2017

pussy
It’s not an executive order YET, but we know Trump is pro-pussy grabbing, right?

Surely you’ve heard someone tell another person not to “be a pussy”? That saying just irks the living hell out of me. Basically, when you say that, you’re saying that being a woman is a bad thing. That being a woman is akin to being weak.

If you’re saying such a thing, then you don’t know the women I know. I’ve been around for almost half a century and let me tell you, I’ve had the pleasure of knowing some strong ass women. I have also come in contact with some weak ass men. And I really resent hearing someone use that generalization which degrades women as a whole.

I personally have been so sick, to the point of being on the toilet with the shits while holding a trash basket to puke in at the same time, while trying to get two children off to school, and then taking care of two other toddler children for an entire day on my own. And I know I’m not the only woman in this world who has done that very exact thing. I know that happens every day, 100-fold, in this world. Yet somehow being a “pussy” is a bad thing?

Let’s talk about the things the “pussy” does.

It gives birth to human beings. Have you witnessed that? I’ve done it 3 times. And that last time, I pushed two babies out at the same time. If you’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing that, it’s not a weak thing. I cannot even imagine another thing a human being can do that is more amazing than that. Some of us even do it without drugs, which I can’t even fathom. I thought I was a bad ass and I had the epidural all three times. And let me tell you, after you’ve pushed one human being out of your nether regions and then have to endure a grown man shove his arm, up to the elbow no less, into the depths of your body to turn the second baby around from the breach position, so you can then push that baby out, while all interested parties are more interested in the Colts playoff game, you’re pretty much a super hero in my book. I’m still waiting for my Wonder Woman cape and tiara. And honestly after that, I should have some special pass that allows me to park in the front for everything from here on out.

But even when all that is not happening, every fucking month, the “pussy” is preparing for that to happen. Might not sound like a big deal, but let me tell you that preparing for the possibility of creating LIFE every month is quite the bitch. There can be unbearable cramps, heavy bleeding, severe back pain, diarrhea, and general malaise. But you know what? We are expected to report to school and work like it’s just another Tuesday.

Later in life, when the “pussy” decides it’s just tired of preparing for life every month, it does one other big fuck you. And can you blame her? Not that I’ve experienced it, but I hear things can get itchy and dry. And completely out of the blue, you can feel like Satan himself has set you on fire. Ever notice that lady you work with is not wearing a coat when it’s 17 below zero? It’s called menopause. Whatever you do, don’t say anything about it, because, she truly has the strength to rip off your arms and shove them right up your ass. Do you really want to go through a whole workday with your arms sticking out of your asshole? My guess is NO. So, shut your trap and offer her a cool beverages and chocolates and get the hell out of the way.

None of this even addresses the personal grooming we go through for our significant others. In this day and age we have to guess. Are you a 70’s kinda guy or a wannabe pedophile expecting the pre-pubescent look? Or somewhere in between that? We don’t know. Our crystal ball is in the shop. And not only are we exhausted guessing what you want, we are fucking exhausted bending into non-conforming positions to make your porn dreams come true.

You want the government to regulate all that? Then tampons, pads, pantiliners, birth control, douches, wax, razors, vitamins, and women’s health supplements should all be tax free. Our pussies need to be in tip top shape for all you white, male Republicans, right? Where’s the executive order calling for all that?

Regardless, when you call someone a pussy, you’re basically saying they are tough as shit. You’re saying that person can raise kids, keep a house in order, even when they have a stomach flu that would knock most men to their feet, and organize a PTO bake sale on top that. Perhaps, if you want to imply someone is weak and can’t handle anything beyond breathing on their own, you should use the term “dick.”

I dare someone to take the advice of our President and grab me by the pussy. That dude will walk away with one mangled appendage that used to resemble a hand.

 

 

 

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Dena permalink
    January 30, 2017 9:30 pm

    YAIIIIISSSS

  2. September 27, 2017 3:57 pm

    Yes!! You go girl, I love this!

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