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It’s a New Decade. Quit Being an Asshole

February 3, 2020

Though I’ve slacked and not done this list for a couple of years, I’ve decided to do one for 2020. In my defense, I wasn’t being my normal slack ass. I actually had a job and my bosses were the political types and I didn’t want my lack luster online life ruining their illustrious careers. Now that I’m a freelancer, I can say whatever I want and I only have to worry about people ruining my illustrious non-career of outing my friends on Facebook for being racists asshats.

So if you aren’t a follower of this blog (and why aren’t you?), you may not know that I make a list of things that I would like to see go away in the New Year. Hang on to your panties, because they’re probably gonna get in a twist.

Now I addressed my number one in the last blog I wrote, which you can read here. If you are a lazy ass and don’t want to click on the link and read it, I basically said that we need to cancel racist, sexist, xenophobic assholes. 

OK, hang on to your britches. No fucks given after this point.

Mass Shootings. The only time in the history of America that the solution to the problem included more of what was causing the problem. Can you imagine if the solution to the opioid epidemic was to give people more drugs? Do you really need an assault rifle? I own guns. I enjoy shooting targets. I have never once felt that my rights as an American citizen were impeded because I didn’t have a multitude of assault rifles to protect myself. But I have considered not attending a public place because I’m worried about some asshole shooting up the place and killing me.

Nail pics. Perhaps perfectly acceptable for Instagram, however, not acceptable for weekly HR updates. My last job, the lady who sent out the weekly HR updates always included a pic of her weekly nail art. I think I speak for most people who never felt they could speak up, FUCK YOUR NAILS, PENELOPE. No one actually gives a fuck. And those people who perhaps made some sort of convo with you that led you to believe we are cared about your nails were just being polite. Also, Penelope, when HR is asking us to be professional, you probably shouldn’t share your nail pics with a little quip about how you’re doing a bar crawl in Chicago and that’s why you couldn’t make the company fundraiser for people with substance use disorder. But I’m the one without a job because I reported HIPAA violations and was retaliated against. LOL.

Cancer. It’s 2020. Shouldn’t we have a cure for this shit yet? I feel like the drug companies don’t have any incentive for curing anything. They just make up drugs with names that have an inordinate number of the letters Q, X, K, and J that we can’t pronounce and have horrific side effects. You have eczema? Well take this drug that will cure your skin condition, but may cause cancer. Do you have diabetes? We can cure that, but the side effect is a fatal bacterial infection in your perineum. Not trying to be gross, but that’s your taint. Because having diabetes isn’t bad enough, now you have to worry about your taint killing you. For fuck’s sake people, you expect more from Burger King to get your $7 drive thru order right, why not expect these fucking bloodsuckers to cure your disease for $500 a month?

Attack on Women’s Healthcare. Some dumbfuck in Ohio is trying to pass legislation that would require a doctor to re-implant an ectopic pregnancy. This isn’t even an actual medical procedure. He used a medical journal from the early 1900’s because medical technology hasn’t progressed since then.  Can you imagine the outrage if lawmakers were making laws about what guys could do with their dicks based on science from 1917? Listen folks, women can only have 1 baby every 9 months. Men can impregnate a countless number of women every day. Math tells me women are not the problem here. So why are we trying to legislate their uteruses? Wouldn’t it make more sense to legislate the all the sperm causing pregnancies? Of course it would, but we keep electing old white guys to make laws and unfortunately, those are the same people whose sperm is wrecking havoc on society.

Voting. We have to stop this relentless attack on voting rights. Put a stop to gerrymandering. Quit purging the voter rolls. Stop hindering people who have been convicted of crimes from voting. The US incarcerates more people than any other industrialized nation and of those incarcerated, the majority are people of color, the poor, and women. Those people are the majority of your electorate. Shouldn’t they have a say in who represents them? I mean the whole Boston Tea Party was about taxation without representation. As you read this there are really rich white people making millions of dollars from legalized marijuana while black people languish in jail from marijuana charges. There is no law that prevents a convicted felon from serving in Congress, yet that same person can’t vote? That’s absurd. And racist. 

DUS loop. Did you know the number one crime in the US is driving under a license suspension? Did you know that most of the people who are convicted of this crime become tangled into a loop of fines and court costs that it is virtually impossible to escape the maze without help from an attorney and the kindness of local forgiveness programs? The fact of the matter is that this is a death sentence for Americans in rural areas who don’t have access to public transportation. They can’t get to work, medical appointments, or their court hearings about their DUS charges. They often lose visitation to their kids, rack up child support bills, and have no hope of escaping the maze. Do you feel safer being protected from these hardened criminals?

Criminalizing Substance Use Disorder. Imagine having a chronic disease and facing jail every time you fucked up. Are you diabetic who decided to have a cupcake? Go to jail. Got heart disease? You didn’t exercise today. Go to jail. Got cancer? You smoked today. Go to jail. Seems ridiculous right? Whether you like it or not, every time you think that someone with substance use disorder should go to jail for slipping, you’re opening the door to being jailed yourself for your misgivings. No one would argue that someone addicted to sugar or nicotine should be jailed for their addiction, why are you advocating for someone addicted to heroin be jailed for theirs? This is a health issue, not a criminal issue. I’d also add that when you send someone addicted to opiates to jail, you are sentencing them to death. Your tolerance for opiates decreases with non-use. So a person who’s been in jail for an extended period may decide upon release to use again, and that dose could be fatal for them. So what, right? They’re addicts. Yeah, they are addicts. They also have people who love them – parents, kids, sisters, brothers. (Also, instead of calling them addicts, let’s start referring to them as people with substance use disorder). The opioid epidemic is creating a generation of orphans. It would actually be more cost effective to get people treatment and prevent the trauma of these orphans, if you’re more concerned about taxing the economy as opposed to doing the decent human thing.

Ten versions of the same selfie. OK, I get it. You took 20 selfies and you narrowed it down to 10 and you just can’t decide which one you look the cutest in. Gonna let you in on a little secret. If you only post one, we wont know that the other 9 were as equally good or that one was better than the other. You will still get your likes and we won’t be subjected to a multitude of similar shots. Have some fucking thoughts for your fellow mankind on the social medias. Yes your page is all about you and you can do whatever the fuck you want. And I will block your ass for being a narcissistic asswipe, which will result in less likes. See how that works?

trump. I saved the best for last. If you don’t think it affects you, then you aren’t paying attention. 16,241 lies in the last 3 years. Kids in cages. Travel ban from “shithole” countries. Tax break for millionaires. Election interference from foreign countries. Profiting off the presidency. Cutting Medicaid and Social Security Disability. Rolling back environmental protections. Rolling back nutrition guidelines for schools. Farmers going bankrupt. But hey, the stock market is doing great! Do you have stocks? Yeah, I don’t. Do you have a 409K? Probably not because that isn’t even a thing, but yet the dumbass in chief tweets about it. Nevertheless, honestly it would be more important to me that Americans could get healthcare, fair wages, and not have to worry about getting murdered at church. But I digress. None of this is normal. You wouldn’t have accepted this 4, 8, 12, 16 years ago. Why are you now? Wake the fuck up before all your liberties are gone. You can’t vote solely for your pocket book and then cry about all the other things you’ve lost. The sicker, dumber, and poorer you are, the better for him. Stop voting against your interests because you’re afraid of black and brown people. Trust me, they aren’t your enemy. You know who is? The super rich white guy hoarding so much money it would take 80 of his progeny throwing money out the window to even spend a fraction of their wealth. Our congress just gave him carte blanche to cheat in the next election. Are you OK with Russia, China, or even South Korea selecting our next president? Because that’s what’s going to happen.

Of course, I can’t include everything that we need to see go away this year because that would be a fucking novel. Actually kinda surprised you stuck this out to the end. But I encourage you to share yours, I’d love to hear them.

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 3, 2020 10:51 pm

    Excellent read per usual. Well done.

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