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Creepy Christmas Cards: Covid Edition

December 22, 2020

Four years ago, I did a blog about creepy Christmas cards. I was feeling down in the dumps about the election and, if I know me, drowning my sorrows in a fifth of vodka. People were all dismissive telling me that I was being hysterical that no president had any kind of power to affect our daily lives. Well, here we are four years later and 322,611 people are dead, 3,000 additional people are dying every day, our government is doing nothing to abate the Corona Virus, and that dumb fuck is still actively working to overthrow an election that he lost by both popular vote and electoral vote. Meanwhile, it’s not safe to see your Grandma and we’re still pretending that it’s tyranny if someone asks you to wear a mask. But Merry Fucking Christmas, right?

Happy New Year! I’m over here in my jammies wrestling demons and I haven’t showered in days. I’m probably dying but I hope this card finds you well! Obviously, she has the Rona.
I’m not sure, but I think someone is trying to steal an election Christmas. This is a live shot of the radical left GOP demanding money to protect you from socialism immigrants medicare for all worker protections climate change ahh fuck it, they just trying to take your money to enrich themselves. You heard the man, hand over your money. Elon Musk needs subsidies.
It seems a common theme in Victorian Christmas cards is dead birds. I’m not sure why dead birds represent the holidays, but it seems seems appropriate once again in 2020. Clearly this is at a modern day bar. One bird is enjoying a glass of wine while her two friends are clearly dead. And there’s a cat named Covid in the background awaiting to kill her once she leaves the bar.
Don’t mind me. I hang out by the refrigerated morgue trucks to collect meat for my fava bean pot pie. Could I interest you in a glass of chianti?
You think the Kardashians are influencers? Hold my beer.
The original pee tape.
You’d pee on your friend if you had to.
When the fam has Covid
And your neighbor knows when you have Covid, but doesn’t care because he’s creepy stalker.
Is it really a Merry Christmas without Santa holding you at gunpoint though? The good news is it isn’t an AR-15 so you might actually have a chance to get away before he reloads, right?

Even though I’m a heathen who doesn’t believe in santa or god, you know that I am wishing you the best rest of the year that you can possibly have. If you’re in the States, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass good-bye. If a mass shooting doesn’t kill ya, the Covid will. Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!

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